Day 1

You could feel the excitement, the anticipation of what we might do for the next three days while my child is on tour. Whilst on the other side of the bus, you could sense the nervousness and fear of the unknown, the idea of spending three days in the capable hands of Lane and Bradley, with Senior Lane at the wheel and Mentor Bev to provide emotional support for all (coaches & driver included).

The nervousness was confirmed as we set sail to play Chiltern, and set sail is the correct term with all the rain, rain and more rain. Silence, from the back of the bus, not an: “Are we there yet?” or “John, how long?” The front of the bus questioned the silence; is this a protest towards the management or a game of who can stay quiet the longest? The team Stato broke the spell when he explained, not for the first time this season, that the A40 is 240 miles long and you can go from London to Wales on it. Everyone groaned.

It was soon decided that a break was needed and the traditional first-day service stop at Beaconsfield was broken as we pulled in at our ninth service station of the season – Welcome Break, Peartree, Oxford.

Onwards to Chiltern and by this point Smith had lost an attitude point for leaving rubbish on the table, resulting in the first appearance of the little blue book. Unknown to the players, the coach writing in the book was a bad thing for them, but the moment he had been waiting for since the start of the year. Greeted warmly by Chris from Chiltern, who had managed to book a 3G at the last minute to ensure the game was on, he prewarned the visitors that the toilets weren’t being attended by the cleaners due to it being half term. No problem – I mean, how bad can a toilet be? Answer: Not good.

The Embleys, all present and accounted for are there to support the team – Madison, Sheri and Wayne, who still hasn’t seen Georgia score a goal yet. Their second and third objective was to provide match updates to the parents waiting at home. A competitive match against a very good Chiltern side ended in a 7-2 defeat, but it was a game that saw Webby bravely playing for 20 minutes with an injured foot and Arkell battling titanically against a strong forward line. Smith and Porter notched our goals, and we were well in the game at 4-2 before Chiltern scored three more later on.

More attitude points were beginning to be dropped by Wood and Smith – who before today was on a hot streak of remembering to pick up all her belongings. I guess all good things come to an end – but only a coat and her tracksuit top this time. It’s not looking good for either, and we haven’t even got to the hotel yet. Feeling left out, Porter dropped an attitude point by forgetting to pick up her boot bag.

The Chiltern coach poked his head into the minibus and wished the girls well on their tour before asking to see our left winger. “You are a pain – in a good way,” he said, adding that she had tormented them all game. I agree. A pain(!) Quickly though, the game had been forgotten and the topic turned to who am I sharing with – just like an episode of Question Time, the coach facing multiple questions at once from the audience, adopting a political-like response, answering the question by avoiding the question.

Thankfully, the sound of rumbling stomachs eased the Question Pressure from the back of the bus and Beaconsfield soon appeared, which marked the tenth different service station of the season.

Check-in time at the Holiday Inn, with the lift only working for anyone over the age of forty, everyone soon found out who they would be sharing with: Jas & Polly were posted in 235, Georgia F & Emily were introduced to 237, Millie & Libby moved into 239, Laila & Georgia E were housed in 240, while Ivy & Bella were united in 244. Number 240 had the first scare as the inhabitants quickly escaped from their room due to a bee, but this was soon resolved, much to the delight of Walter and Embley.

In the camp, all seemed really happy with who they were with when, unaware to the girls, the first room inspection took place. All rooms lost points – creases in the duvet covers, TV remotes left on the bed, clothes everywhere and I mean everywhere, bathroom door left open, bathroom light left on, TV still showing, sweet packets not standing up neatly. Thankfully, Room 240 restored a bit of normality and hope with a 7/10 on the first night.

Evening activity at Flip Out where the girls could participate in activities like donut slide, solo trampolining, dodgems and much more. After our time expired, the girls were asking for some food. Really, they want feeding? That wasn’t part of the deal. To avoid my phone going off with calls of complaint from the Chairman, Bob and eleven sets of parents, we headed to a Harvester – the same one we went to last season. The girls and staff were greeted by the manager who said: “I remember you from last year.” Without being entirely sure, we thoughtthis was a good thing to hear and we were soon sat down at the exact same table as twelve months ago.

Attitude and eating points were disappearing quickly, points were lost for leaving the table without asking, not saying please or thank you and having a sundae dessert on a Thursday.Wood lost a point for forgetting to order herself a drink, the coach lost six points for his phone going off and leaving the table without asking permission. Embley lost one point for not eating her fish fingers, while Smith lost two points for leaving her sweetcorn and ice cream (though not at the same time). The adults offered the Harvester ten volunteers to help with the washing up but they kindly declined – something or other to do with child labour laws.

Back to the hotel where the girls found out their first-day scores. After a long day, all went to their rooms reflecting on how the time went, with the adults hoping for a peaceful night.

Day 2

Day Two began for everyone with the sound of a knock at the door at 7.30am – who would respond? Who needed a bucket of water thrown over them? Sadly, a bucket wasn’t available, but the light switch was just as effective. The groans from the rooms were a welcome sound. Room 240, Embley and Walter, was the only room to answer the knock at the door. Freeman looked wide awake and celebrated with some gymnastics in the corridor. At breakfast, and learning from the night before, Young began a Mexican wave of: “Please John, may I leave the table?” – the request was granted. Everyone else’s politeness became annoying very quickly, as the girls must have known that the coach would eventually have to cave in or put up with ten individuals saying ‘Please John’ every other minute, so the rule was relaxed.

As we were about to leave, our minibus driver and Bradley turned into minibus mechanics – not for the party bus, but the boys’ bus. Who knew a piece of rope could hold a minibus together? With Senior Lane looking a bit like an oil can, we made it to Wembley, explored the ground, learning lots of facts about the stadium. An interesting one is there are 2618 toilets there! I am sure they will all be a lot cleaner than the ones the day before. Porter wanted our new mascot, Peewee, to have the same experience as everyone else, getting the coaches to take photos of him/her/it.

In the press room, the girls’ coaching team were taking questions from the girls’ and boys’players. The first came from Smith, who asked the burning question everyone wanted to know the answer to: “John, why are you so annoying?” Just like before, the question was answered by not answering the question. The press conference turned heated and with the pressure building, Lane stunned the media present by announcing he would be resigning as the girls’ coach – this was greeted by loud cheers from both the players and the entire GPSFA staff who were present.  Later on, an act of kindness from Freeman, who gave up the opportunity to lead the girls out through the tunnel, touched all of the coaches. The stadium tour ended like any tour ends, the gift shop. Wow. How much for a key ring? On to the traditional GPSFA Wembley lunch at the golden arches – forty chicken nuggets, ten bags of chips, divided by ten players.

Back at the hotel, the girls had an opportunity to be responsible for themselves but importantly, do not leave the room and leave the key card inside. Thankfully, mission accomplished, apart from Richards, who finished up on the opposite side of the door to her key card.

The game against St Albans was played in mixed weather, rain, sun, rain, more rain, clear sky. The first half belonged to the home team who went into half-time 1-0 up. In the second half, the girls came out fighting and Embley scored a beauty of a goal – the game finished 1-1 and the final whistle was followed by a very quick dash back to the warmth of the hotel rooms.

Evening meal consisted of pizza, chicken wings, waffle fries and dessert, with Arkell sporting a black eye from the game, trying to think of a great story to tell to the others about how it happened. The girls were rewarded for their excellent attitude and behaviour with a slumber party – their choice of TV and popcorn for a period of time before it was time to go back to their own rooms to get some rest and relaxation ready for Saturday.

Day 3

A change in the fixture timings meant an early knock at the door, Freeman and Wood leading the way, bags packed, room cleared. Webb and Arkell in second, then Smith and Richards, then the others. After departing the hotel following breakfast, the journey to Woking was quiet. Is this another silent protest against the management? Or another game of who can stay quiet the longest? I think this time it was catching up on some sleep – even Bradley was quiet and he is normally leading the noise!

The worst thing to happen is for a player to get injured in the warm-up, and that is exactly what happened. Young took a ball to the nose and the silver goalkeeper turned red, a freak accident. A spirited performance from the girls followed though and a big mention to Porter who went in goal for Jas and to the rest of the girls who were tired, bruised, carrying bumps& knocks but never gave up. The game finished 3-2 to Woking, with all the scoring coming in the first half – Smith getting both our goals. How could we not award all the players full marks for their performance, based on the grit, determination and bravery they showed?

After the match we headed home with a stop at Reading Services (2nd visit this season) where we picked up Peewee’s family. Don’t ask! The arrival time back at Longlevens was so ahead of schedule that it caught the parents by surprise. Maybe it was because of the lack of traffic or the minibus driver being desperate to be away from the back of the bus, or both. No, definitely the first one.

We were greeted by the parents with smiles on their faces. I am sure they were hoping for a little bit of a longer time on their own, but no such luck. Off home for some story-telling followed by a good night’s sleep – well done, everyone.

Gloucester Tourists: Jas Young, Libby Arkell, Emily Wood, Polly Porter, Millie Webb, Georgia Embley, Georgia Freeman, Laila Walter, Bella Smith, Ivy Richards.