Saturday

It was a quiet and beautiful early morning in Longlevens. That’s it for the ‘beautiful’ and definitely for the ‘quiet’ because of course the 23 boys (both teams, including Romeo) joined us for a trip to Jersey.

The bus was definitely not quiet as stupidly, Coaches Harris & Butler put themselves in the middle of the coach surrounded by reprobates.

At the Airport we were waiting in the queue behind the Newbury lot (also bringing two teams). With 40+ kids who get bored easily and desperately want to get through the line, the members of the public were seen checking Google Maps to see if they’d accidentally gone to Southampton Zoo.

Going through security, both Foran Junior and Senior were frisked, Wood & Matumba had their feet checked (strangely) whilst Hawkins and Douglas had a full on frisk. Surprisingly, Cohen, always looking dodgy, wasn’t.

The flight was occupied by four football teams – two from Gloucester and two from Newbury. There was one unfortunate member of the public who thought she’d committed a crime and her punishment was to be subjected to torture on a BlueIslands flight. The 2 poor Air Stewardesses put in for pay rises as we touched down in Jersey.

Arriving at the hotel, the rooms were to be occupied with the following participants; Wood & Hawkins, McBride & Glynn, Gill & Jackson and Douglas & Matumba. Deciding to keep potential pains in the proverbial to one room, Bailey, Simpson & Cohen were given the challenge of being ‘best room’. You’ll find out, no doubt, as the blog continues how that works out.

Simpson quickly reminds us of how many brain cells he sometimes occupies by drinking from one of the plastic beakers in his room – however, forgetting to remove the plastic wrapping from around the cup and wondering why he’s struggling to drink it and why it’s pouring down him. Having been in his room for 34 seconds, he quickly asks us what are we doing next. “You’ll find out in a minute” replies Harris.

Gorey Castle Beach was the destination for the afternoon’s antics. Knowing they weren’t going to be playing much football this week (not!), the boys wanted to play football on the beach. Teams were drawn and the battle commenced. The boys also forgot that we actually did have lots of important football to play this week as they started hacking each other down. McBride, Glynn & Hawkins all falling foul of the actual fouls.

Nearly almost all ventured the 3.6miles to the water to wade in a little and then came all the way back to play some more football. Only Gill, Jackson and Glynn braved the cold water deeper than their ankles.

Ice creams and Slush Puppies were ordered and paid for by Foran Senior. The brain-freeze faces of Hawkins and Douglas were quite the picture when they were told they had 30 seconds to finish their’s. McBride reminds the coaches of the previous tours when they look up and see more Ice Cream dripping from his chin than is on the Ice Cream itself.

Sand brushed off (most of them) and back in the bus to the hotel for their evening meals.

The new eating leagues of Premiership, Championship and Pig Farmers’ Div 7 Reserve league were explained. The obvious Wood & Simpson went into the Prem, with McBride and Glynn assuring that they would eat everything joined them. The obvious Douglas & Bailey were in the PFD7R League and everyone else wanted to remain in the Championship.

Points were dropped by the obvious (Douglas & Bailey) on the first meal, but it looks suspect that Jackson might be one to watch (for the bottom league) in the coming days.

Onto Diaries before room inspection and bed. Room inspection showed that folding clothes is not for the many and hanging damp, sandy towels over clean and dry towels seems to be the norm. Butler and Harris wonder what kind of houses the boys are raised in.

Sunday

Happy Birthday to Cunningham. A nice wide smile saw him take his place at the breakfast table with chocolates and a card to welcome him.

Wake up involves waking up rooms Douglas/Matumba and Jackson/Gill. Everyone is up and even Wood/Hawkins are sat waiting for us reading a magazine. Simpson, Bailey & Cohen are the last to be ready and asked to not keep everyone waiting.

Breakfast was a filling-up fest with no-one losing points. I think you could tell in the warm-up for the game that some were still trying to deal with full bellies. McBride has a plate full of beans that again gets all over his face, while Cohen occupies himself at the table by building a Tower of Jam & Marmalade.

In their rooms before leaving, Simpson loses his socks. The whole corridor finds out, but strangely he find them 52 seconds later. Seeing if the boys were nearly ready, but upon entry to room 122 (Wood & Hawkins) the door is blocked by clothes just behind the door (because that’s the sensible place to put things) leaving Harris to walk into the non-opening door.

Somehow Bob’s influence with Pat, the organiser of the Festival, came into play again and we were the earlier kick-off of the day. I don’t think we’ve played an 11:15am KO on the first day in my 7 times at Jersey…..funny that!

The game against St Albans B saw us hang on for a 2-2 draw – winning the Challenge Shield (“Champion-ey, Champion-ey!”). We were probably second best (slightly) to most things and didn’t show much composure with the ball, but again, testament to the boys’ effort the majority of the time, we got the draw. 

We get back to the hotel, and Simpson, Hawkins, Maatumba & Glynn all ask what we’re doing next. “You’ll find out in a minute” replies Butler. Due to the weather, an afternoon at Quennevais Swimming Pool is on for both the A & B Team. The poor public and lifeguards didn’t know what hit them. Four of the Lifeguards were overheard putting in for pay rises after having to shout “No running” for the 1578th time.

Douglas falls of the edge of a 1ft wall, Matumba jumps to within 1.7cm of anyone he can jump on, Glynn takes on the inflatable assault course and loses, Jackson finds out double circular float and just floats around in his own world for a bit (probably trying to block out the noise), Bailey walks on the side of the swimming pool that’s ‘out of bounds’ four too many times and the Longlevens contingent lead the way as always with noise and games of Bulldog. Wood loses an Attitude point for forgetting his underwear to get changed into.

In their rooms before tea, Simpson loses his trousers. The whole corridor finds out – including the poor couple that have been given the one spare room on our corridor, but strangely he find them 47 seconds later. A check-in on Douglas & Matumba sees the former try and start a fight with Harris. He loses quickly when he trieds to push Harris backwards, but actually ends up going backwards himself.

For Tea, points are now being dropped left, right and centre for Eating. The Prawn Cocktail outdoes Bailey and the chutney with the Pate is “too horrible” for Glynn & McBride (who, can I remind you, are in the Premiership and said they’d eat everything).

Coaches Butler and Harris make a £5 bet on the remaining two participants of The Premiership, Messrs Wood & Simpson. Harris going for Simpson and Butler for Wood.

Monday

Just before breakfast, Simpson loses his jumper. The whole corridor finds out, but strangely he find it 1 minute 20 later. I know what you’re thinking…..’this is all added in for the blog’ – I assure you, it’s not!

Glynn tries mushrooms for breakfast and realises he doesn’t like mushrooms very quickly. Matumba eats ‘a bit more posher ainnit’ by having a Croissant and a Cup of Tea.

The match against Newbury happened. That’s already too much said about it. The support however, was brilliant from both the parents and A Team contingent.

We arrive back to our hotel and are met by Coach Wixey. After the morning’s football antics, Wixey has been brought in to hopefully improve things. Butler and Harris pray for the sacking.

Lunch saw Bailey again lose more points, taking his tally to 3 eating points lost and we hadn’t even got to the 3-course evening meal yet and more questions from Glynn, Simpson & Matumba about the afternoon’s activities leave Butler pulling at his hair (and there isn’t much to pull on!). “You’ll find out later” he snaps. The boys are sent to their rooms and given five minutes to be ready. Matumba & Douglas take fifteen.

A trip to Plemont was the afternoon’s trip – being “the best thing we’ve done so far”, according to quite a few of the boys. A little cove tucked away at the bottom of many stairs, the boys enjoyed a mix of getting in the ‘freezing’ water, climbing massive rock faces and traipsing through a cave with a waterfall. Echoes of “We’re the Gloucester Boys” could be heard for miles around as the boys were in full song under the waterfall backdrop.

Glynn was the first to brave the water, with Gill & Jackson joining and Bailey half getting in before telling the coaches he didn’t have a towel. The climbing team was led by Cohen, Douglas, Matumba, Wood & Simpson – who all often had to be told to not wonder off too far, but the impulsiveness took over and Harris was like Kate Winslet in Titanic and was heard saying “Come back” 54 times.

Glynn impressed when he put his head under the waterfall – giving Brain Freeze and leaving him shivering for sometime.

Glynn again made Coach Harris laugh when asked what the D stood for in DREAM Marks. When asked what he thought it meant, he said “I can’t remember…….Depressed?”. Coach Harris books him in for some Counselling sessions.

McBride gets April Fooled by Gill, our waiter for the week (first name ‘Gill’, not our player ‘Austin Gill’), when he offers him a second lot of Ice Cream. McBride agrees, only to hear back, “Psych!! It’s April Fools”. A look of disappointment follows.

Diaries were a great read, with Cohen gaining his first 9 along with Hawkins. Reading both Jackson & Gill’s showed us that they’d created a song called, “Do it, Do it!”. It was about doing what you need any which way you can. A very random song, which was very creative and beautifully performed when we inevitably told them that we wouldn’t leave their room until they perform it. The front row seats were worth it.

Tuesday

Breakfast saw a new seating plan in order to hopefully have less mess and calmer times. Cohen’s Mum has been asked to bring over a little pop-it game to help keep Cohen focussed during times he can get bored (like meals). Little did we know that this game would then sweep through the whole team as the week progressed. So far, the new seating plan is a success. Simpson gets caught hiding bacon on behalf of Cornell, losing Cornell a point and Matumba is seen dipping his Croissant into his Tea. Coach Wixey wonders what kind of place Matumba was brought up in as he looks at him in disbelief.

The match against Hackney had two objectives; show a bit of fight and show composure. The first half saw the battling spirit in spades, but a lack of composure meant we spent most of the 25-minutes in our own half. The second half saw both a great determination and the second piece of the puzzle, composure, meaning that a draw would’ve been a fair result, but the boys just lost out 1-0. A much better performance and one they could be proud of (against a team who would go on to have a very successful week).

An afternoon at Quennevais again, thanks to the weather, saw the boys be very playful. The locals looked in dread when the A Team once again joined us and the lifeguards could be overheard going, “Oh, it’s that lot from Sunday”. Coach Harris quickly has to go Poolside to talk to all the boys and remind them that there are other members of the public using the facilities too.

Webby manages to lose the ball by getting it stuck in the roof. Bailey, Hawkins and Lake have a competition to find the sinking rocket. Bailey loses every time – even with a 12-minute head start.

The (strict) lifeguards were ready to kick us out (again), but luckily, the boys managed themselves for the rest of the time. After being moved into the bigger pool, Douglas, Bailey & Glynn constantly ask to go into the ‘warmer’ pool and spend most of their time under the showers.

Hawkins gains an attitude point for being quickest to be ready. Simpson & Douglas definitely do not and Wood has remembered all his clothes this time.

At Tea, Douglas & Glynn drop points when they can’t finish their tea (again!), Gill tries Tomato Soup and likes it and Cohen complains that the Apple Pie tastes “too Apple-ey”.

Upon entry to Wood & Hawkins’ room the door is blocked this time by their GPSFA bag just behind the door (because that’s the sensible place to put things) leaving Harris to walk into the half opened, blocked door. It is also clear that half a huge tub of popcorn and a full tube of Pringles have been consumed. Wood is reminded he’ll look like Coach Harris, if he’s not careful. He quickly suggests that this would be awful. Harris goes and eats his feelings in his room.

Diaries are completed to a great standard, even with Matumba breaking wind a number of times during the silence and Rooms are very good – all bar the messy-men in Room 118, Matumba & Douglas. Douglas quickly blames Matumba and it would appear as the week goes on that Douglas has a point. They quickly try and bully the coaches into giving them better points, but that doesn’t last long when they are mysteriously hit with a floating pillow.

Wednesday

The boys (and one man) are dropping like flies. Injuries of sorts to McBride, Glynn and Bailey are still a concern, plus Hawkins has now vomited three times and Coach Butler feels unwell. The midweek Jersey Tiredness and injuries are making their annual return.

At Breakfast, Coach Wixey gains a slave in Glynn – doing whatever he can to improve Wixey’s experience, including making him his drinks.

The match against Jersey B wasn’t the best. The fight from the day before had waned and composure happened not as often as it should have. Wood does bag a brace, which was one of a few positives from the game. Harris does get called fat (or something of that suggestion) by Father McBride, which saw Harris go back to his hotel room and eat his feelings.

The afternoon sadly sees Hawkins retire to his bed and Wixey remain behind as Hawkins’ very own nurse while the rest of the gang head out to Corbierre Lighthouse to see if there are some rocks to climb. Although the tide was in, there was still plenty of good climbing ground for the boys to venture into. Once again, many feet get wet from landing in rock pools. Douglas and Matumba wanted to see if they’d get splashed on the edge of the rocks – the Channel obliged and Douglas’ face a was a picture. McBride (who didn’t look confident with climbing at Plemont earlier in the week) is now doing brilliantly and keeping up with everyone, Harris goes butt over chest when a rock decided to move from under his weight, Butler tries to threaten Glynn with chucking him in to the water just as a wave comes in and soaks his feet. Bailey, Glynn, Jackson, Matumba & Simpson all follow in Coach Harris’ footsteps and fall over those wretched lively rocks. On a little beach area, Gill shows that he is good at Rock Skipping. Bailey chucks a rock at the water and completely misses…..no joke! And Wood, Douglas, Simpson and Jackson all try Butler’s jumping game.

A return to the inland sees that Foran has been talking to the Chelsea Scout (used to be Wokingham Coach). The boys think he should be looking at them – especially Matumba who thinks that supporting Chelsea is a pre-requisite for getting in.

A quick stop for some football at St Ouen Beach sees more rough tackles and boys getting upset with each other, but before that, Ice Cream from the van before tea. The Ice Cream lady hears Foran’s Minibus Horn and quickly reminds herself that she knows that this beeping happens around this time every year. She tries to shut her van window, but feels sorry for the boys and puts up with talking to Foran Snr for the sake of the boys. Douglas tries an Oreo Sandwich and quickly realises he doesn’t like it. Simpson moves the quickest he’s moved for days in order to eat Douglas’ Ice Cream.

Worries about Abbeymead’s teaching set in throughout the evening as when the boys were asked what the square root of 121 is, Gill answered 3, which was followed by Bailey in his Diary spelling ‘teeth’ with an ‘f’.

Speaking of teef, McBride, to add to his ongoing body pains, also lost a toof on route to Corbierre and told me he has another wobbly one. Good times!

Gill (who is always so incredibly polite) was also on the end of receiving an attitude point for the phrase “Shut up Paul”. A phrase Gill was challenged with saying when Paul was being sarcastic with him and a phrase that played out many times after, not only by Gill.

At tea, a number of good points were dropped tonight as sprouts were on the plate. Gill and Douglas are too full to finish their meal, but had room for three scoops of ice cream, of course.

Thursday

Waking the boys up, Cohen tells us about his frequent toilet habits, “the food here is making me go to ‘the poo’ a lot”. A lovely morning wake up for us all. Going into the Hawkins/Wood room, the door is blocked by towels just behind the door (because that’s the sensible place to put things) leaving Harris to walk into the non-opening door. The dazed feeling is quickly vanished when Hawkins is sat on the edge of his bed awake and feeling in good spirits.

The game against St Albans A was a great battle and we were very proud of each of the boys. The boys were reminded that in time, it will not be the result that the boys remember, but the game. The score line flattered St A and we played some of our best football from the week and created more chances against the hardest team they faced. Glynn was fantastic upfront and complimented by both the St Albans Coaches and parents alike.

The afternoon’s activities saw the boys go into Jersey Town, where, as predicted, JD and Sports Direct were the two main shops the boys spent their parent’s hard earned money. Douglas and Cohen sent the assistants off to find particular footwear in their sizes only to find out that they didn’t have the £80+ needed to buy them. Cohen settles on a cap and Jackson and Gill oblige when challenged to dance in the middle of JD Sports.

Giving JD & Sports Direct a run for their money, WH Smith saw a rise in profits, when the main Pop-it game that Cohen had been playing with for days now was on display at the front of the shop. Eight members of the team now have one. Coach Butler thought he’d turned into a bag of popcorn in the microwave hearing ‘pop, pop, pop’ everywhere. Copious amounts of chewing gum were bought and the next few hours saw more out of their mouths than in it.

A return to the hotel in the rain saw the boys split into 3 teams for some quizzes. Upon learning that the final picture in the ‘Footballers as youngsters’ Quiz was actually Coach Harris, Cohen shouted out, “Shouldn’t he be chubbier then!” Attitude points were docked and Coach Harris books himself in for more therapy before going upstairs to eat his feelings.

The picture rounds saw close scores, but Matumba, Douglas, Cohen and Foran Jnr lost interest in the final quiz about GPSFA when they realised they hadn’t retained much information about the team or the association this season. Messrs McBride, Glynn, Bailey & Hawkins came in winners – although Coach Butler scored just higher. Jackson, Wood, Simpson & Gill are gutted that they didn’t win – a good bit of competition between two of the teams (and Butler) at least.

As the boys get ready for Dinner, the coaches go into the boys’ rooms to see if they’re getting ready. Going into the Hawkins/Wood room, the door is blocked by an actual human this time in the shape of Hawkins, just behind the door (because that’s the sensible place to sit) leaving Harris to walk into the jarred door.

More points were lost at Dinner as Cauliflower and Beans were the veg of the day. Bailey, however, gains a much needed food point for trying and eating all his mushrooms – despite holding his nose to swallow them. Douglas got off lucky, somehow having no mushrooms on his plate at all.

Diaries weren’t quite the standard of the night before, but still good all round. Matumba shows that he has less control over flatulence again by disrupting the silence a number of times. McBride and Jackson the only ones to gain a 9 this night.

Rooms were the best they’ve been all season. Every room gained a maximum 10 bar Douglas & Matumba gaining 9 thanks to one messy drawer of snacks. They try to start another fight by verbally abusing all three Coaches. They lose. Do not listen to them when they say they can’t be tidy, hang up or fold clothes. It was a brilliant effort from all for all rooms.

Jackson and Gill have created another song and are singing proudly away when we enter their rooms. It looks like we have the next Simon & Garfunkel in the making.

Friday

The morning goes to plan nicely, with the boys getting up on time, getting ready well and eating a good breakfast before today’s game. The only concern was the boys’ face when they learned we were playing Newbury B. There was an atmosphere that we had already won the game.

The game doesn’t necessarily start to plan – with Newbury looking like they could counter-attack well. After missing one chip just before, Glynn finds his way through again to chip over the keeper nicely. Bailey followed that with a spectacular long range effort finding the far corner of the goal. Jackson looked very composed when he can back on in CM and Douglas came close a couple of times to extending the lead. The game finished 2-0, which was a good way to finish a tough week of football. 

On the way to Greve De Lec, the afternoon’s exploit, in the bus, Hawkins is overheard asking, “If you speak Jersian, is that like English?” Harris worries.

Greve De Lec brought about a good game of Beach Football. On loose sand that tackled the boys more than the boys itself and also tripped lots of people up, it was goals galore – especially when Coach Harris joined the one team. Butler had joined the other team 5 minutes before and made very little difference – his shots often putting the public’s lives at risk. Butler did come for Harris, but lost out, only to get sand in his face and out loud – in front of the boys called Harris a name…..something insinuating that I was born out of wedlock. An attitude point was swiftly taken.

Butler also got twisted up when Hawkins used the wall to tap it round his Coach and leave him for dust sand. Glynn tried flying into the tackles with Harris, but Harris’ obvious skill showed him up.

Following in the week’s tradition, Injuries took place by way of Hawkins & Glynn landing on each other, sand in the face to McBride, Hawkins & Simpson and good old flings to the floor by Matumba, Wood & Cohen. Diving Bailey, the new Tom Daley (ooo, that rhymed!), spent more time on the sand being knocked over by any gust of wind.

The Sewage Waterfall was braved by Glynn, Simpson, Cohen, Matumba, Douglas, Jackson, McBride & Foran Jnr. The freezing cold shout of, “I’m getting Frostbite” from Douglas had Coach Harris in stitches. Very brave from the boys – even though all but one only lasted seconds underneath. Jackson showing his hardcoreness by going back a number of times.

Presentation Dinner saw all the teams, including Jersey and the referees join us for a final celebration of the week. All teams were dressed smartly and were given the strict rules of co-operation, politeness and silence when the main person was presenting. The boys were fantastic. However, Coach Wixey decided to go rogue – despite him being one of the people to tell the boys how to behave. His phone going off in the middle of the presentation alerted everyone to the disruption. An attitude point was swiftly taken off him.

The boys give Gil a Goodbye card with nice tip in it and sing him songs to show him how brilliant he has been. Gil obliges in singing and dancing with the boys. He and the staff were amazing at looking after the fussy boys.

The boys start packing their cases and it’s clear that one room will be the problematic room as more of their things are spread everywhere but the actual suitcases. Within that room, Cohen is actually quite good, but Simpson and Bailey are dreadful and needs lots of encouragement and help to finish.

Quick Diaries are done, Matumba blows off again – which Foran Jnr can’t stop laughing about and rooms are inspected. The boys are obviously tired and all asleep by 10:30pm.

Saturday

Coaches Wixey, Butler and Harris wake up in wonderful moods and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that they were only hours away from being free.

Breakfast is enjoyed for the final time and another goodbye to Gil before going back for the Suitcases and final room checks. Only a few items left behind in the Jackson/Gill & Douglas/Matumba rooms, but the McBride/Glynn room gets the perfect 10 with nothing left behind and everything looking left very tidy.

At the Airport, most of the boys need to be checked going through security – just for looking dodgy, I predict. The flight being delayed for an hour means that Coaches no longer feel like they’re going to free anytime soon and the boys have an extra hour to eat rubbish and lose their tickets.

With everyone finally getting onto the plane, Cohen is the only one separated from the team – being seated in the middle of the Jersey Rugby Men’s Team next to a man born in Cheltenham. Luckily, we were able to save that poor man and got Cohen moved back into the group.

A 5-minute coach ride home is ended with the boys being confused as to why we’ve stopped on Derby Rd. A walk through the alleyway lead us to The Great Western Pub where the parents and family members eagerly awaited their boys. Hugs all round and a lovely snug presentation saw the tour finish off with a wonderfully tight-knit feel.

As always with Jersey, the boys (and families) will always remember the joy and laughter had more than the football – which is what it’s all about. Joy is one of the most needed things in life and Jersey creates an environment where the boys get to gain as much of this as possible while living out new experiences. I hope these joint experiences give the boys a basis of life-long friendships – whether that be as a group or as little cliques. Despite Jersey being full-on and the boys being quite full-on at times, there is nothing better than looking at them all a number of times this week with beaming smiles.

It’s been a pleasure (most of the time) to have them.

Thanks again to all the family and friends who supported us. If you joined us in Jersey, I hope you had a wonderful time too. If you didn’t, I hope you enjoyed some of the peace.